Me, Myself, and I

That I’m crazy. Its often very simple like that.

Some people say that I’m true.
Some people call me quiet.
Some people know I’m a friend.
Some people realize who I am.

Yet no one knows, as my life is often changing.
They witness, as my reality zips on by.
Everything changing at the drop of a dime.
I wonder, is living life my only crime?

No one would know. It is often lost in the past.

No one would know
The simple thoughts I shared with them
No one would know
The moment I stood behind them, without ever being there
No one would know
The feeling I had when I looked them in the eye
No one would know
if I was just dreaming, losing myself in believing

Yet they see me, wandering through life and asking questions
They ponder my actions, as much as I wonder about my own
Every step, leading to another, a question upon itself
and I find myself being the only one who reached the answer

So I ask, if not for myself, would I still ask for you?

I simply accept life,
one step at a time
I move forward
taking a breath
and viewing the world again
from a vantage no one shares

and I care
to look back,
to reach out
and hope
that I’ll find someone
just like you

This is an old poem from my old entry. Sometimes I think that I have a communication issue. I want to say A but my brain is redirecting me to a different route B. That's why it's best to think and analyze the situation first before you open your mouth.

I've been having this nagging itchy throat and sluggish body this past few days. It's on the borderline of having a cold or not. I started taking tylenol cold and vit c just to get rid of pre-cold symptoms . Hopefully I can shake this cough-to-be out of my body.

Chasing Pavement

I've made up my mind,
No need to think it over,
If i'm wrong I am right,
No need to look no further,
This ain't lust, I know this is love

But if i tell the world,
I'll never say enough,
Cause it was not said to you,
And that's exactly what i need to do if I'd end up with you

Should i give up or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste even If i knew my place
Should i leave it there?
Should i give up or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

I build myself up and fly around in circles,
Wait then as my heart drops and my back begins to tingle
finally could this be it?

so should I in the end give up instead of keep chasing pavements?

Snow patrol is coming back to seattle

Woohoo... they are coming back to seattle again!!! oct 14th to be exact 8 pm at the paramount. Definitely going even if I have to skip my class :) well i will still go to class the first 1 hour and then off to see them!!! excited, super excited! I asked my "deranged" friend to go with me and he agreed to go with me. I hope I haven't scared him away yet with my crazy ideas :)

turn left turn right

What do I want with my life? I'm approaching the big 3 in couple more years and I feel that I haven't accomplished a lot of things. According to X and Y (based on their conversations to me), I'm kinda a failure in their eyes. All of their friends' kids have either already married or found themselves a nice and successful future spouses to be. While me? single (and couldn't find a boyfriend that they like), jobless and just keep draining their money for my study. I should just say "fuck you all" and "leave me alone" but I couldn't. I'm trying my best and I wish they would pat me on my back and say "good job" once a while. Sighhhh.....

So back to the question: I'm hoping I can land myself a good job after I'm done with my MBA. Something that relates to the degree and pays well :) I might have to expand my search nationwide and even worldwide. I'm not sure if I"m ready to move away from US but we'll see where the wind drops me off. Outside from career, I want to find myself a good boyfriend :) someone who can listen to my "complaints and nags" and will love me forever and ever :) (that sounds like a fairy tale)

anyway, school started today and so many readings to read! i'm already behind my readings and it's not even 1 week yet :p It's going to be a busy summer. I think I'm signing myself up for more than what I can handle

11 months

so, it's been almost a year since i've updated my blog. So many things happened: I was doing my MBA while working full time and then I lost my job and decided to become a full time student. I've completed my 1st year of school. i'm glad that Spring quarter has ended, the most stressful quarter that I've had so far. lots of projects, lots of homeworks, lots of group meetings, lots of tears being shed, lots of sleepless nights. the whole ups and downs of life. I'm trying to step out of my turtle shell and be more proactive than what I'm used to be. i hope it will turn out well in the end. I have 1 more year left and I will face a reality again. how is the job market going to look like? where will I go?

In terms of love life, I suck at it. It's hard to let go of something that might be bad for me once I'm attached to it:

it's a choice to stay or wake up from this dream
you have blood on your hands and i'm feeling faint
and honey you can't decide.
Am I a drug that you don't wanna give up?
you poured blood in my heart and i can't get enough
i'm drowning and you can't decide.

it's not about geography, or happenstance
you need to fly, and take a chance
you don't need to soar to emptiness
float on high and forever dance alone

i'm not gonna live for you, or die for you
or do anything anymore for you
because you leave me here on the other side

not gonna live for you, or die for you
or do anything...
not gonna shed one more tear for you

at least not 'till sunday afternoon