Victor Frankl, a psychiatrist, states that “true self esteem and a true sense of identity can be found only in the reflected appraisal of those whom we have loved”.
The experience of love is what makes life meaningful, for love implies a commitment and dedication to another. Giving the gift of oneself in love leaves one with a deep and lasting satisfaction of having done something good with one’s life.
Love does not promise instant gratification, only lasting fulfillment.
Satisfaction and fulfillment are the by-products of genuine love.
‘Good times’ should not be confused with a ‘good life’.
The endless pursuit of ‘good times’ can only end in a sense of emptiness and disappointment.
“Many a life may be regarded – and experienced by the subject – as good, yet may comprise a relatively scant measure of what is commonly called fun and enjoyment.
“Few would deny that a fair share of the goodness of life befell to such persons as Gandhi, Albert Schweitzer, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Pope John XXIII, and Martin Luther King. “Hardly anyone, however, would say that these persons’ lives were marked by lots of fun.
“Such contamination of the notion of the good life with that of a good time obscures and distorts the issue.” (On being human: Marian Kinget)
The tension between self-fulfillment directly sought and self-fulfillment as a by-product of loving, is seen by John Powell SJ, author of Unconditional love, as the greatest crisis facing our society today.
The ‘Gestalt Prayer’ of Fritz Perls reflects the first view: “I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations. And you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I; If by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful. If not, it can’t be helped.” These words express very forcibly the human need for independence and self-expression, but at the same time they ignore the fact that we are interrelated and interdependent social beings. It ignores one of the deepest truths of human existence: for a person to be is to-be-with others.
The supplement: ‘Beyond Perls’ by Walter Tubbs, a psychologist speaks for itself. It redresses the imbalance in the thought of Perls, giving a fuller view of the human condition. True human fulfillment is found only in relationships of love: “The truth begins with two”.
“If I just do my thing and you do yours, we stand in danger of losing each other, and ourselves. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations; but I am in this world to confirm you as a unique human being. And to be confirmed by you. We are fully ourselves only in relation to each other; The I detached from a thou disintegrates. I do not find you by chance; I find you by an active life of reaching out. Rather than letting things happen to me passively, I can act intentionally to make them happen. I must begin with myself, true; But I must not end with myself; The truth begins with two.”
- taken from somewhere. Interesting article :-)
I recently stumbled upon and downloaded the new self-titled album by Corinne Bailey Rae and am loving the laid-back soulful sound of her voice. If you like jazzy, soulful vocals, you should check it out. Just found out that the track "Like a Star" was featured on Grey's Anatomy (don't ask me when and where as I'm not following that series :-p). Hmmm makes me wondering.... maybe I should check that show just because they have pretty good songs (that's the same reason I'm watching 6 feet under right now :-p....well we'll see).